Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut: Scrat the only saving grace of The Meltdown

Since I was such a fan of the first Ice Age, I was extremely excited to see what they would do for the second one. Though, I have to admit I was a little nervous about some of the cast that joined for this project, I was still hopeful.

As with many of this years films, I was completely disappointed. First off, I was horrified at the forced dirty humour. They took every opportunity to make every fart joke, and play on words involving a swear as possible. Now, I am about as far from conservative as you can get, but I always feel that when movies start forcing dirty jokes, then they really have just lazily given up trying.

Along with disappointing attempts at humour, there were the obnoxious performances by Sean William Scott and Josh Peck as the two opossums. And then there was Queen Latifa, who voiced a female mammoth who thinks she's an opossum. I bet you can just see the wacky antics unfolding (and procreation jokes, seeing as how Manny- Ray Ramono- thinks she's they're the last two mammoths on Earth.)

The films only saving grace was the always lovable Scrat. Doing the same old Scrat-chases-acorn skit, he never failed to make us (the audience) crack up hysterically.

Scrat's Looney-Toon-esque scenes are the ONLY reason that you should see this movie. The rest of it is pitiful. Children may or may not find it amusing, but as far as the adult opinion, this is one animated film you can skip.

Overall Grade: C

I Come From a Land Down Under: Hopkins' performance will keep you in love with Indian

Set in the late 60's in New Zealand, spunky motorcycle enthusiast Burt Monroe, played by the prestigious and always wonderful Anthony (or is it Antony?) Hopkins, dreams of making it to the Salt Flats in the US to set the world record for the fastest Indian (an old type of motorcycle.)

We just keep getting amazing things coming from down under, lately. Australian director Roger Donaldson, who unfortunately also has Dante's Peak under his belt, gives us a great story to watch unfold.

The story, like preceding films lends itself to be slightly too long at points, follows Monroe's travel from New Zealand and across the US. He's a jolly chap that everyone seems to like, even after meeting him for five minutes, and meets many characters along the way. It all builds up to the moment when he reaches his destination of the Bonneville Salt Flats, which is caried out beautifully by Hopkins. That plus some gorgeous imagery makes this film highly enjoyable.

This is the most legitimately feel-good movie I've seen in a long time. It was beautifully done, though not flawless, and amazingly performed (as always, Sir Hopkins.) I recommend this film to anyone. Again, it tends to drag at certain points, but you will find yourself engulfed in the story, so you will not care.

Overall Grade: B

Snake-aphobia?: Slither can't balance gross out horror and black comedy

I admit that I hate horror, but I can appreciate the horror genre. In films like Arachnaphobia, the audience can laugh, and still be scared to take a shower because the balance of horror and comic relief is done well. In Slither, however, directed by Scooby-Doo writter James Gunn, that correlation is unbalanced, and boderlines mere stupidity more than anything else.

The film is not scary. And although it is filled with blood and guts, it is not grossly gory (meaning I was perfectly fine sitting there eating while watching it.) Besides one or two jumpy moments, it was ridiculous and unsuspenseful.

The smart talking mayor, played by Gregg Henry, provides some comic relief, but he began to get more obnoxious than anything else. The attempts at black humour were sad, and came off as ridiculous.

This was not that funny, nor was it scary, two of the things it prided itself in being. If you like silly horrors and cheesy comedy, you may enjoy it, but I for one, did not.

Overall Grade: C

Let's Hope Your Kids aren't Curious: Curious George lends to be a bore

Let me start by saying that the only reason I saw this was because I was babysitting, and that is what the girl I was babysitting wanted to see. That being said, let's get on with the review.

The character of Curious George has long been loved in the hearts of children. I remember them being some of the first books I was able to read. The story of the film, Curious George, was cute; very suitable for small children five and under. I can't say that I wouldn't enjoy this if I were 3 (although even at the age of 3, I may have found it too cutesy and boring), but definately as an adult this movie was NOT enjoyable.

First of all, Drew Barrymore should not be put in any children's movie for fear her acting may scare the kids in the audience. Even animated, she sent chills up and down my spine.

The second thing that was obnoxious was the animation. I'm not one hundred percent sure how they got it to look like that, but it was quite the annoyance during the course of the movie.

Like I said before, this movie was cute. If you have small children, it's definately worth taking them (although you may be bored slightly.) If, however, you are above the age of five, do not waste your time.

Overall Grade: B (in respect to pre-schoolers)

Did Your Minkey Direct This: Pink Panther dissapoints while belittling the intelect of audiences

When I was growing up, I watched as my father and his friends laughed and laughed over the Pink Panther movies. Even at a young age, I could recognize Peter Sellers' comic genius. So when I heard they were making a new one, I was quite excited, especially since it was starring Steve Martin and Kevin Kline (who was until this time, a respectable actor.)

Even after I saw the horrendous trailer, and wondered what on Earth Beyonce was doing in it, I still hoped that it would be good... at least funny. I was sadly, sadly wrong.

After "hits" like Just Married and Cheaper by the Dozen, director Shawn Levy reaches an all time low in desecrating a comic institution. The jokes, dirty jokes, fart jokes and mutilated rip offs of Pink Panther original jokes, were forced and spoiled by the trailers. The originals were always witty by subtly inserting jokes and odd situation, British humour, and things in the background you may not notice the first time you watch. The new one clearly does not trust modern audiences to find that subtle humour funny, so tries to shove it down our throats.

For example, in Return of the Pink Panther, there is the classic scene where Sellers is in the bathtub. There is no music, just Sellers carefully drowning himself in his situation. In the 2006 version, Martin finds himself in a simliar situation. First of all, they soil the scene by putting music to it. Second of all, the joke's been done, so we know what to expect. Third of all, the only thing drowning here was Martin in his attempts to make us laugh.

Another example, the original Panthers always poked fun at Sellers' horrible French accent. In, Revenge of the Pink Panther, Clouseau says he was attacked by a "bimb." "Do you mean Bomb, Inspector Clouseau?" "That is what I said a bimb!" In the new one, we witnessed about 15 minutes as Martin dribbles out the word "hamburger," (right before he, by the way, shamelessly falls in love with NYC... was that patriotic plug REALLY neccessary?)

So, the first film of 2006 I saw was disgustingly disapointing. There was one funny moment, which I won't ruin, that involved tough guy Jean Reno. If you are at all a fan of the originals, DO NOT go see this movie, for you will get sick to your stomach. If you have never seen the originals, treat yourself to renting all the old ones instead of wasting your money on this atrocity.

Overall Grade: F

2005: A look back at some brilliant cinematic acheivements

OK, so at the beginning of this year, right before the Oscars, I made a mad rush to finish watching all the major films of last year, and so slacked on my review writing (you know, focusing on school and all that...) So here are some breif reviews of the films I've watched since I left off:


Syriana
(dir. Stephen Gaghan)
Although I'm still not 100 percent sure what was going on, it was an enjoyable film. Much in the spirit of Magnolia, Crash, and Traffic, which Gaghan wrote the screenplay for, multiple stories intermingle as the film progresses. Like Munich, it's not so much a feel-good movie, but it's definately worth seeing.
Overall Grade: B+

The New World
(dir. Terrence Malick)

Malick does a great job here of creating a very intimate feeling between the audience and nature. His stylistic editing does unfortunately get in the way of the story. The first half of the movie was, in my opinion, quite entertaining. I felt relaxed and attached to this natural world, like a vivid daydream. Unfortunately, about half way through it, my concentration and caring was abolished, and I found myself checking my watch more than the screen. At the end, when Pocahontas (an incredible performance by teenage actress, Q'Orianka Kilcher) and John Rolfe (Christian Bale) marry and return to England, I was almost hoping for her to hurry up and die so the movie would end more quickly. I feel like Malick's style, while beautiful and reflective at times, really killed him in the telling of this story.

Overall Grade: B-/C+

A History of Violence
(dir. David Cronenberg)
This film was a lot different from the gory special effects that are normally very prevelant in most Cronenberg films, but it did delve into ideals that really make you as an audience member think about and question. Ex-Fellowship member Viggo Mortensen plays Tom Stall, a small town family man who gets caught up in some gang related incident. Is he who he says he is? Definately watch this one to find out. Also, watch it to witness the five minutes of screen time that earned William Hurt an Oscar nomination.
Overall Grade: A

Match Point
(dir. Woody Allen)
I'll admit first of all that I am quite partial to Mr. Allen's comedies, and was excited to see one of his first dramas in a while. Match Point, which I ignorantly didn't realize was a tennis term until the opening credits, is a film that uses the metaphor of that moment in a tennis game when the ball sort of sits for a moment on the net, before deciding which way to fall. Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays a poor tennis player (from Ireland, even though he had a British accent) who falls in love with and marries a rich girl, played by Emily Mortimer, my new favorite not-so-well-known actress (despite her part in the putridly disgusting 2006 version of Pink Panther.) He meets and then falls in love with the sexiest woman currenly on the big screen, Scarlett Johansson (which was also the name of my turtle.) This film was incredible, my number 3 favorite of the year. It will have you questioning your morals. It's only downfall is that, as with most Woody Allen movies, it is very dry at points; where Allen's comedies normally pick up these dry moments by inserting his humerous mumblings, this film lacked.
Overall Grade: A

Good Night and Good Luck.
(dir. George Clooney)
First of all, I just need to commend Mr. Clooney on his accomplishments this year. He really has come a long way since just being that pretty face on E.R. This film was great. Also very dry, and a film you really need to pay attention to follow. It really gave an intimate look at Edward R. Murrow (incredibly acted by David Strathairm) and the McCarthy scandal. Definately worth seeing, even if you know nothing about the scandal.
Overall Grade: A

Breakfast on Pluto
(dir. Neil Jordan)
Irish director Jordan, who brought us such films as In Dreams, The Crying Game, and one of my personal all time favorites, Interview with a Vampire, brings to the screen this seemingly light-hearted novel about a small town Irish transvestite (the ever-amazing Cillian Murphy), his misfit friends, and his trials and tribulations of growing up. Although it tended to drag at points and was arguably a little too long, this film jumped into my top 5 of the year (sorry, Good Night and Good Luck.) I reccommend this film for even those who aren't obsessed with all things Irish.
Overall Grade: A

Walk the Line
(dir. James Mangold)
I have to say, I loved it. I was everywhere from bouncing and tapping my feet, to holding back tears. I was completely into the whole thing (except when I started to notice the very, very uncomfortable seats in the theatre...) As it seems to have been a trend with films over the past couple of years, the film seemed long (again, could have been the seats.) I honestly can't remember what complaints I had with this film, though I did have some, so they couldn't have been that memorable. Definately go see this film with your family (if your family is broken, on drugs, drunk, or in jail...)
Overall Grade: B

March of the Penguins
(dir. Luc Jacquet)
The stars of this film are absolutely amazing. Emporor penguins are incredible creatures. The only other amazing thing about this film is that it was a documentary that EVERYONE knew about. This year seemed to be the year to be a penguin, with those slick characters in Madagascar, and the upcoming Happy Feet. Honestly though, it was an animal documentary. Nobody got this excited when we went to see the dolphin IMAX documentary in high school... and we got to skip school for that. The gerneral populus finally realized that documentaries can be interesting? Anyway, this film is good, entertaining, informational, and makes mating and getting eaten by predators OK for children.
Overall Grade: B

Junebug
(dir. Phil Morrison)
From the guy who brought you "The Upright Citizen's Brigade," came this incredible little film. Like a backwards Meet the Parents, upper class Merideth, played by Embeth Davidtz, travels to hickville, USA, to meet her new husband George's (Alessandro Nivola) parents while scoping out a slightly off-kilter artist in the area. While the film itself is great, the best part about it is Amy Adams. Adams plays the bubbly, meer-cat loving Ashley, George's brother's pregnant wife. I kept hearing all of this praise about her, and I kept wondering how one performance could impress so many people. Then I saw it, and I understood. I don't want to give too much away, but check this film about for the outstanding performances, including the "O.C.'s" Ben McKenzie.
Overall Grade: A

Constant Gardener
(dir. Fernando Meirelles)
I just recently saw Meirelles film, City of God, which forces me to say, you win some, you lose some. Gardener was dry, slow, and made me feel so unattached that I really did not care what was going on. Within the first minute of the film, we see that Tessa (Rachel Weisz) dies. The next scene, we see her and Justin (Ralph Fiennes) meet. I immediately felt uninterested as to her who her character was because I knew I couldn't get attached. It was quite the commentary on... something. I really lost the meaning of it, and was completely confused as to what the scadal that was going on was. City of God, in respect, was incredible. I was excited and intruiged the whole time. Meirelles, in my opinion, needs to find a balance, like he did in City, of commenting on an issue and presenting a story.
Overall Grade: C-

Three... Extremes (Saam Gaang Yi)
(dirs. Fruit Chan, Takashi Miike, Park Chan-wook)
Be prepared to be disturbed. Extremely, extremely disturbed. Three... Extremes is a collection of three films by Asian directors Fruit Chan (Dumplings) from China, Takashi Miike (Box) from Japan, and Park Chan-wook (Cut) from Korea. Without giving anything away, these three horrific (in a good way) films will terrify you... not meaning that you'll have nightmares, but meaning that you will be disturbed, bothered, troubled, uneasy... and any other synonym. Don't see this if you're faint of heart, or if you've just eaten. DO see this if you enjoyed films like Chan-wook's Old Boy or any of those recent Asian thriller hits. Artisitcally beautiful pieces of work.
Overall Grade: A-


The Squid and the Whale
(dir. Noah Baumbach)
Sorry, Breakfast: you've been knocked out of the top five. Director of Life Aquatic, Baumbach's semi-autobiographical story is one of my favorites of the year. It follows the story of a couple's divorce (Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney) and the effects on their children (Jesse Eisenberg and Owen Kline.) At first, I was a little confused as to the time period because, although it is set in the early 80's, there were modern day cars driving by. Oops. Oh well, that did not distract me for long as I was completely engaged and addicted to this dry yet amusing story. I enjoyed the symbolic journey all the characters took in this film. I would definately recommend it to those who can appreciate it. (Duh.) More specifically, if you enjoyed the tones of films like Life Aquatic and Royal Tennenbaums, you'll definately enjoy this film.
Overall Grade: A-